I Hope The Royals Are Grateful For My Attendance

It wasn't a convincing win today, but a win nonetheless thanks to Preson Wilson's shot past the Ivy. (We still can't score any damn runs! ARGH!!!) Jason Isringhausen reminded me again of why I don't watch these things without first downing a couple horse tranquilizers and and Braden Looper continues to be one of the surprising bright spots in what's started out to be a depressing season of Cardinal baseball. What makes today even more special is I've only had TWO Cubs fans tell me that Albert Pujols takes it in the Poo-holes. Isn't that miraculous? Of course, I had another one substitute a bad Tony LaRussa/drunk driving joke, but you can't really blame him for trying. It's not his fault that Cubs fans are about as creative as my dining room table and repetitive as a stoned monkey with Alzheimers.

On another note, I detest myself. I had my company tickets for tomorrow's game given to me a few months back and then accidently planned a trip to Kansas City over the top of it. How does someone let that happen? What the hell is wrong with me? I guess the bright side is I'm going to see a Royals game tomorrow instead.

I want to punch myself in the stomach.

Even My Yearbook Pictures Are Less Embarrasing

Remember a couple days ago when I was uncharacteristically calm and collected after our Opening Day loss to the Mets? Yeah, all of that has since gone out the window and my blood pressure has returned to its typical Cardinal induced levels of BATSHIT CRAZY.

Over the first three games of the year we've scored two runs. Two runs in 27 innings! We are 1 for 15 with runners in scoring position! Thanks for showing up, guys! Also, much appreciation goes to Preston Wilson for his fine additions to our already impressive list of defensive miscues, along with special gratitude to Josh Hancock and Russ Springer for only giving up 7 runs in the seventh and eight innings instead of 27. Now THAT would have been embarrasing!

The bright spots through all of this? Our young and surprisingly capable rotation and JASON ISRINGHAUSEN!! Are we now living in an alternate and parallel universe? If this keeps up, I'll be on a steady diet of Xanax and Smirnoff for the next six months.