If AWESOME Were A Color It Would Be RED

Now that I've had a day to reflect on the weekend without the influence of Sauvignon Blanc and Captain Morgan, I can safely say without any reservation that IT TOTALLY KICKED ASS. No, I wasn't just tipsy and delirious, we really DID win three in a row against the division leading Milwaukee Brewers. Two of these were even taken in dramatic late inning comebacks that would have certainly inspired me to make out with strangers if I'd witnessed them in person. I don't even know what to say. You know the feeling when out of no where someone surprises you with an extremely thoughtful and unexpected gift? That's how awesome it is in my head space right now. I'm all aflutter with affection, adoration and utter disbelief that I can possibly be so fortunate. I'm so numb with joy I don't even care that Carlos "Big Z" Zambrano won his major league leading 14th game yesterday. And THAT'S saying something considering I usually can't even think his name without wanting to slam my hand in a door.

The euphoria that comes with realizing we aren't completely hopeless is as welcome as it is unanticipated. Directly responsible for this glorious resurgence are the guys in our bullpen. Randy Flores, Ryan Franklin, Russ Springer and Jason Isringhausen combined for 13 shutout innings and gave up only 4 hits in those three games. With our starting rotation being questionable at best, it's comforting to know that our relief corp can come in and be untouchable in the late innings. I mean, we're still giving up 5, 6, 7 runs a game, but at least the hemorrhaging stops when Wells, Maroth and Company get yanked. That's gotta count for something, right? Especially when the eight inning turns Scott Rolen into a clutch RBI addict and makes Albert Pujols a bullpen devouring monster. I don't even know why we bother playing the first six frames anymore.

So now that we've effectively eliminated Milwaukee's lead over the Cubs in the NL Central, (double edged sword if I ever saw one,) I'm going to Wrigley tonight to cheer on the Phillies and encourage the late season collapse I know the Cubs to be capable of. If ever there were a more perfect time to hope for a rabid squirrel attack at the Friendly Confines, I've never heard it. Would Alfonso Soriano cry like a sissy and run screaming into the clubhouse? Frankly, I think believing anything else is unpatriotic.

Even My Yearbook Pictures Are Less Embarrasing

Remember a couple days ago when I was uncharacteristically calm and collected after our Opening Day loss to the Mets? Yeah, all of that has since gone out the window and my blood pressure has returned to its typical Cardinal induced levels of BATSHIT CRAZY.

Over the first three games of the year we've scored two runs. Two runs in 27 innings! We are 1 for 15 with runners in scoring position! Thanks for showing up, guys! Also, much appreciation goes to Preston Wilson for his fine additions to our already impressive list of defensive miscues, along with special gratitude to Josh Hancock and Russ Springer for only giving up 7 runs in the seventh and eight innings instead of 27. Now THAT would have been embarrasing!

The bright spots through all of this? Our young and surprisingly capable rotation and JASON ISRINGHAUSEN!! Are we now living in an alternate and parallel universe? If this keeps up, I'll be on a steady diet of Xanax and Smirnoff for the next six months.