Being Terrible Is The Least Fun Thing You Can Be

Good grief, we suck at baseball. We are 7.5 games back and in last place. In the NL CENTRAL. I don't really even know what to say except that AT LEAST we aren't the Yankees. What kind of crap is this anyway? The Brewers have the best record in major league baseball. It's like we're living on a different planet or something. Not that Milwaukee doesn't deserve their day in the spotlight. Like I've marveled before, they have a guy named Prince Fielder on their team. And a contraption like this. No hard feelings! However, as I've settled into being a Cardinals fan over the last couple of years here in the Windy City, I'm used to consistently solid performances from my Redbirds. You cannot argue that over the last four years this is BY FAR the weakest team we've put on the field. You can blame the starting rotation, you can blame the sorry offense, you can blame almost anything. The fact still remains that as a fan, I have unrealistic expectations for the team that won the World Series last fall. As dynamite as they performed, it was a surreal turn of events that on any given day cannot be duplicated. Which quite frankly, hurt us in the long run. Winning it all last year made our stock skyrocket. This in turn, ensured that key players like Jeff Suppan got swept away in ginormous contracts. No complaints here about that whole experience, but having a transitional team win the Series is like having a bunch of sober jerks win a beer pong competition. They may perform well now, but once the hangover kicks in it becomes clear that they are not the proper caliber to project their success into the future. We are royally screwed.

Anyhow, enough abstract analogies. I obviously realize the team is struggling with the loss of a teammate and a friend. Thinking about it in the context of my own life, I cannot imagine how any of those guys can go on the field and give a crap about whether or not they turn a double play. I give them credit for having the stamina to show up at all. If it were me, I'd be in the fetal position on my bedroom floor. It is because of this I cannot make fun of any given play in any given game over the last three days. In the truest sense, I can't imagine baseball is the most important thing to these guys right now. Honestly, that's okay with me for now. I just hope they can clean it up and be competitive enough in the coming months to compensate. If not, this will continue to make up for it time and time and time and time and time again.

I Henceforth Declare My Child ROYALTY!!

The bad news is the Cards got handed another loss last night at the hands of the Reds and three multi-RBI home runs. Kip Wells faced 27 batters, allowed eight runs, issued three walks, hit a batter and did not strike out a single hitter. Add that to the fact that once again, the line up could not manage more then three runs in a game and we have ourselves another big giant stinker at home.

Matthew Leach sums it up best:

The Cardinals are 1-7 at Busch Stadium this season. They have lost seven
out of 10 and haven't won consecutive games since a four-game winning streak
from April 8-11.

Hmmmm. That royally blows. What is a loyal Redbird fan to do to make oneself feel better? Why, you go to a Cubs game!

I managed to get my grubby mitts on tickets to last night's face-off with the Brewers and was not disappointed. Accompanied by a couple of die hard Cubbie fans, we sat just a few rows up on the left field side in spitting distance from Alfonso Soriano. (In case anyone's keeping track at home, $136 million dollars has bought the Cubs one RBI. BARGAIN!!) Rich Hill dirtied up his immaculate ERA by giving up a couple bombs to Prince Fielder and Kevin Mench and sadly, Derrek, Aramis and Alfonso could not find it in themselves to do much to counteract it. If it wasn't for the rain that started in the eighth inning you would have detected big giant tears of devastation running down my cheeks.* It's always tragic when you get taken to task by someone legitimately named Prince. In any case, Jeff Suppan was on the mound and it was nice to see what we could have kept had we somehow located $42 million extra dollars. I really should have looked harder under the couch cushions.

Anyway, it doesn't say much when the most positive part about Cardinal baseball is the Cubs sucking. Eventually, Prior might stage a gem of a comeback and then what? As amusing and almost disgusting it is to enjoy their long and miserable history, it doesn't make the Cards any freakin' better. At some point this season, I hope to genuinely get excited about MY team and stop relishing in a situation that's bound to be temporary. (I mean, seriously. Lee and Soriano are NOT going to have silent bats all season long. As many times as I wish upon a star, that just isn't going to happen.)

In closing, Prince is a fantastic name. It's right up there with Slappy, Asshat and Monkeynuts.

*Fear not, loyal friends. No tears were wasted in the viewing of this game.

God Wants Jeff Suppan To Have Millions Of Dollars

This video is weird to watch. I always find the idea of professional athletes being intensely religious a bit hard to take. It's a little like seeing your fourth grade teacher at the supermarket. They aren't supposed to have real lives outside their day jobs and it's strange to see them doing anything other then what you know them for. It just ruins the allusion to hear about what these guys do and think about on a day to day basis.

It's also difficult to watch Jeff Suppan talk about "God's will" with regard to his career in baseball. He claims to "focus on his relationship with God and his relationship with his wife and let the rest sort itself out." Like that $42 million dollar contract with the Brewers? Sure, buddy. TOTALLY God's will. Way to let that sort itself out.

So, kids...the lesson here is that unless God wants you to be a multi-millionaire major league baseball player, you're screwed. Sorry about that.