Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Now, Where Were We?


Hello, friends! As hard as it is to believe, it has been almost a month since my last post. Where o' where does the time go? It seems strange that the hot summer days are upon us and the 4th of July is only a few weeks away. I suppose that's getting old for you. Time flies and you always find yourself talking about the weather. Anyway, there has obviously been much to discuss in my absence. The Cardinals have continued their early season pattern of not making me want to chew on sandpaper and now rest a respectable 2.5 games out of first place. Considering the Chicago Scrubbies have been literally unstoppable this season, that is no small feat.

To recap the past several weeks, in no particular order:

1. Albert Pujols injured two players in the same inning on freak plays. By crushing the pitcher's face and twisting the catcher's ankle in ways it isn't supposed to go, Pujols managed to single-handedly dismantle the already beleaguered Padres. I have a sneaking suspicion that might haunt his dreams for awhile.

2. Carlos Zambrano beat up a water cooler. I cannot make this stuff up, people. I saw him break a bat over his leg earlier this year, but my LORD, this just took the cake. The best part of the whole ordeal was just how painfully AWKWARD it was. The cooler was very clearly still full and Big Z was enormously unsuccessful at gracefully throwing the cumbersome and unwieldy vessel. It didn't come across as aggressive and fiery as much as it seemed...well, wobbly. I haven't laughed that hard since the Cubs got knocked out of the 2007 playoffs.

3. Joel Pineiro and Adam Wainwright went on the DL. People that I'm not familiar with and who are presumably gifted at throwing baseballs then joined the rotation. I have not yet bothered to learn their names, as I'm sure they'll be injured or sent down to the minors before they become even remotely relevant. What with all the drinking I've already done this season, I've got to conserve brain cells, you see.

4. I ventured out to a Cubs game in May and was fortunate enough to sit in fancy front row CBOE seats. After trying unsuccessfully to distract Alfonso Soriano and Reed Johnson with my blinding white skin, I was rewarded with two Soriano home runs and a lobster-red hairline.

5. The very next day, I finally saw my first Cubs loss of the season against the Pirates on a sunny Saturday afternoon in the bleachers. Despite multiple applications of sunblock, I came away with crimson arms to match my forehead. I also left bitter after having to see Alfonso Soriano hit four home runs in two days.

Despite the Cubs being incredibly irritating, (leading the majors? Don't you think that's a WEE BIT over the top?) I'm excited for the rest of the summer. I have all sorts of baseball related adventures planned, starting tonight with a work event at a suite in Wrigley. Then this Saturday I'm headed to St. Louis with three college pals to see the Phillies game. Even though the people I'm going with are all Cubs fans, I'm confident that will be cancelled out by the 43,000 Cardinals fans surrounding us. Then NEXT weekend, I've leveraged my life savings in order to head out for a Saturday afternoon St. Louis vs. BoSox game at Fenway. This will be followed promptly by a 4th of July trip up to Milwaukee where I'll make my first visit to Miller Park for a Pirates/Brewers contest. With my annual family trip to St. Louis in July and another family field trip to an August Cards vs. Cubs game at Wrigley, I'm in for a whole bunch of hot dogs and beer over the course of the summer. Tragic, isn't it? The pity party for me officially starts....NOW.

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