He's Baaaaaaack!!!

I'm going to preface this post by saying that nothing here is going to sound even remotely intelligent. (By which I mean it's worse than normal.) I went to the White Sox game last night for a work related event and might have sampled too many of the suds. The sacrifices I make for my job, right? Siiiiigh.

Anyhow, I do feel it's important to note before I get carried away that Kip Wells pitched last night and didn't suck. In fact, he was pretty damn dynamite! He gave up only 6 hits and 1 run with 4 strikeouts and 0 walks. (Imagine me scratching my chin and screwing up my eyes like I'm thinking real hard.) What to make of this? No freakin idea. The guy's like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. He defies logic or reasonable thought, which considering my mental state today is probably a good thing. I don't want to have to think too hard or I'll hurt myself.

Speaking of improbabilities, it is with great surprise that I report the return of none other then Rick Ankiel to the Cardinals roster. He's in the starting line up tonight as an outfielder after having his contract purchased from Memphis today. Whoever woulda thunk it? I'm genuinely excited to see how he does and am pulling for him to do some damage. After the roller coaster of a career he's had it would be poetic justice to see him exorcise some past (i.e. 2000 NLDS) demons.

In other news, there's been lots of good stuff going on since my last written assault on your senses. For example, we went on a BLAZING HOT five game losing streak, including a sweep by the Nationals over the weekend. (Thank god I was wandering around Grant Park and completely ignorant.) That's kind of neat, right? Then they put our recently acquired future hall of fame hurler Mike Maroth on the DL with tendinitis in his elbow. Thankfully, our rotation is so deep we don't really need to worry about minor setbacks like this. Whew!! (Please note my sarcasm. I truly believe that at this point we could probably just throw one of the grounds crew guys up there and no one would even be able to tell the difference.)

The coolest thing the Cardinals have done this week, though, is provide with me with one of the most visually stimulating half innings I've ever seen. ESPN was gracious enough to cover our win against the Padres on Monday night so I got to see that 10 hit, 10 run 5th inning with my very own eyes. Good thing, too, as I would never have believed it otherwise. I would have assumed the media was lying to me and that it was just some far reaching conspiracy cooked up by my mom to keep me from hanging myself with a garden hose. (I wouldn't put it past her.)

Even more spectacular for me personally was the little package I got Monday from our company headquarters in Springfield. It held four tickets to both the Saturday and Sunday Cardinal games I'm going down to St. Louis for at the end of the month. Why is this so awesome, you ask? Because the Sunday tickets are the Club tickets my company has behind home plate. Basically, this means I'll be chilling with Jimmy Edmond's mom all day in the VIP room eating free hot dogs and guzzling free beer. There's even a buffet before the game starts! Does it get any better then that?? I don't think so, my friend. And if you do, you are definitely wrong and probably also retarded.

Lets see...what could I possibly be forgetting? Oh yes, of course! The Cubs have lost four in a row and six of their last seven. It's a team of destiny, I tell ya! I've been saying it all along!! THE CUBS ARE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES!!!! (I'm evil, I realize this.) It does seriously blow for them that Soriano's got a flat tire and Ramirez might be out for a few days with a bum wrist. It's tough to win games when your entire team is on the DL, just ask Walt Jockety. But Kerry Wood's back and throwing a few pitches, so I'm sure that pretty well cancels out all that bad stuff.

Editors Note: This has just been the strongest attempt at empathy I've made towards Cubs fans all season and quite possibly, well...ever. Turns out I'm not great at it. Directing sarcasm and bitter vitriol towards them, however? I'm like Carlos Zambrano at a baby eating competition. By the way, it really wouldn't be right if I didn't point out that he lost yesterday. I'd be pretty pleased with myself if it weren't for this stupid hang over. Damn miller light drafts will get you every time, especially when you chase em with vodka. Don't say I didn't warn you.